Mr. Speaker

Well the end of the world as we kind of know it has drawn a few weeks closer and as promised in part one of this historic and important series on Keeping Entertained During the Immanent Apocalypse I did indeed watch The Wombles. I also purchased a solar panel, and planted some tomatoes. With these skills and products in hand I reckon I’ve lifted my ranking of “ability-to-survive-the-apocalypse-in-style” from 1,800,000th to about 1,250,000th. Not bad. I should be number 1 or 2 in 1.5 years, by my estimates.

Making good use of the things that we find.

First up. The Wombles. Although the guy at the counter thought I was making up the whole concept of rat-creatures that recycle, my local parasitic virus of a video store (blockbuster) did indeed have a copy of The Wombles - Orinoco Springs into Action.

For those who choose not to remember… “the wombles live in a burrow under Wimbledon Common and spend their days building all kinds of ingenious inventions with hilarious and unexpected results!” Maybe hyping it up just a tad, but a good watch none the less.

The first thing I was surprised to learn was that the theme song is “The Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we” and not “The Wombles of Wimbledon, common are we”. I did some searching in to Wimbledon Common and it is true that they are not so common, and perhaps were killed off at some point since the making of this video in the seventies.

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This is what happens when you lock yourself off from normal human interaction for any length of time. The last bunch of Mr Speaker posts are all from the Nerd category, and I fear they’re gunna get nerdier from here.

The scrolly thing above is modelled on what were called “raster effects” in the C64 Demo scene. “Demos” were non-interactive extravaganzas released by various demo crews. Demo crews were made up of graphix peoples, musicians, and coders. The releases showcased their mad computer skillz. The releases were like battles. Whoever could stretch the Commodore 64 to breaking point earned big respect.

I’m serious. These guys were like gods to us mere computing mortals.

The intro above is getting there - I got the raster squiggly lines, I got a wicked 4-colour logo. But it really needs a super crunchy chip-tune playing over the top, with some scrolling text in a cool font telling everyone how elite I am, and how every other group is lame (except for the crews that I give greetz to). And it would have to have a really cool hardcore title, like Sinusoidal Tendancies, or Y666K, or something. Yeah, that’d be awesome. And I can put ads in the text asking for graphix people and couriers to join my crew. I have no idea why demo crews needed couriers. They just did.

So if you wanna join the leet MrSpeaker DHTML-demo crew contact us on our BBS…. Mr Speaker #1 in 2005…. die lamers….

[UPDATE: it seems that in a horrible turn of events, the browser-makers have killed XBM!. Oh the humanity!] Okay, a quick warning here - this is a horribly nerdy post. You most certainly have no interest in the content below.

That said, I’ll do all I can to make the subject matter come alive! Not that it’d be hard really - obsolete file formats is a pretty hot topic these days.

GIF files can contain 256 colours. JPGs can contain um, 16 gajillion colours. Luckily, it this modern age, we no longer discriminate on the basis of colours (though I wish Microsoft would discriminate on the basis of alpha channels) so I’d like to introduce to you the XBM file format - 2 colours. Black, and see-through.

XBM stands for X-windows Bitmap, or something-or-rather. It was a standard format on X-windows, which is the main graphics system for Linux, and it has been supported by nearly all web browsers since the beginning-o-the-web. That’s one of only 2 things this format has on it’s “plus” side. But the other thing is pretttty interesting…

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[update: this code for this page only applies to Wordpress 1.2 - for more recent stuff check my WordPress section]

A couple of days ago I began giving this blog a refreshing cosmetic overhaul. Unfortunately, not being very good with cosmetics I soon realised that to maintain my interest in its redevelopment I would have to add a few crunchy extras. The result (besides the mind-blowing nav bar starfield) was the “news” section, and my personal favourite: the “random space”.

MrSpeaker is running off the amazing WordPress bloggin’ software. I’m going to refer to it as WP from now on, ‘cause my fingers are sleepy. WP has been developed in PHP, of which I have a passable knowledge. I decided to use that knowledge for the forces of mediocrity - a Content Management System. Sort of.

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Rüssel ist Krank is allegorical work detailing an illness affected elephant, presumably named Rüssel, and his nameless friend/carer - a mouse who is attempting to help Rüssel on his road to recovery.

(Editors note: This review will contain spoilers. If you have intent to read this book in the near future then skip the last sections.)

Rüssel ist krank presents a dark, dystopian view of present day society. An excellent example of modern post-post-modern work, it contains absolutely no text and uses coloured line drawings to convey the unravelling story. The author’s ironic use of bright colours mixed with troubling anthropomorphisation generates an ironic and often disturbing sense of comedy.

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You know the saying “Beware the day that’s five days before the Ides of March”? Well today is the day that day. And in-keeping with the annual traditional that dates back to the time of the 486 (some say even earlier) I am releasing karaoke backing tracks that I have messed around with in a sound editor.

The tracks may be fairly unlistenable, but consider yourself fortunate that I had forgotten about the “Nones of March” annual tradition. That can be challenging at best.

Fakin’ n Jumpin - released under my spinnin’ moniker, DJ RevolvesIt. Well, not really. [~1.8Mb, mp3].

EyeOfTheBooty - I don’t know what happened here. I’m sorry. [~1.9Mb, mp3].

Let me know if you require more information on the Five-days-before-the-Ides-of-March-karaoke-cut-up’s origin. I warn you though, it’s a sizeable tale. Happy V Ides.